Anonymous

NOTE: This funny, but pointed little poem has been in my files for years. It was written by the famous song-writer and children’s book author, the late, Shel Silverstein

I CANNOT GO TO CHURCH TODAY,

SAID MISS PEGGY ANN McKAY.

I HAVE THE MEASLES AND THE MUMPS.

A GASH, A RASH, AND PURPLE BUMPS.

MY MOUTH IS WET, MY THROAT IS DRY,

I'M GOING BLIND IN MY RIGHT EYE.

MY TONSILS ARE AS HARD AS ROCKS,

I'VE COUNTED 16 CHICKEN POX,

AND THERE'S ONE MORE, THAT'S SEVENTEEN.

AND DON'T YOU THINK MY FACE LOOKS GREEN?

MY LEG IS CUT, MY EYES ARE BLUE,

IT MIGHT BE INSTAMATIC FLU!

I COUGH AND SNEEZE AND GASP AND CHOKE,

I'M SURE THAT MY LEFT LEG IS BROKE.

MY HIP HURTS WHEN I MOVE MY CHIN,

MY BELLY BUTTON'S CAVING IN.

MY BACK IS WRENCHED MY ANKLE'S SPRAINED,

MY 'PENDIX HURTS EACH TIME IT RAINS.

MY NOSE IS COLD, MY TOES ARE NUMB.

I HAVE A SLIVER IN MY THUMB.

MY NECK IS STIFF, MY VOICE IS WEAK,

I HARDLY WHISPER WHEN I SPEAK.

MY TONGUE IS FILLING UP MY MOUTH,

I THINK MY HAIR IS FALLING OUT.

MY ELBOW'S BENT, MY SPINE AIN'T STRAIGHT,

MY TEMPERATURE IS ONE O EIGHT.

MY BRAIN IS SHRUNK, I CANNOT HEAR,

THERE'S A HOLE INSIDE MY EAR,

WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY? IT'S SATURDAY?

I MUST GO SHOPPING, I'M ON MY WAY!!!!